Here are some of the letters that have been sent to my mailbox so far. Thank you to those who have contributed!
Lisa....."I LOVE this site...only wish I had found it when I first got online a year and a half ago.........when I first discovered the internet. *L* Suffice it to say ..been there done that...AND decided it was a pack of crap and now limit my time online to iWon.com *L* ...a couple message boards and a very highly selected few people on ICQ.... I will bookmark this site. I would like to watch it as it grows."
Vickie....."I'm a housewife. I think being at home all day makes me more prone to being addicted to being online. It lets me still be in touch with the outside world , without going outside. I would be online 24/7 if it were possible! But i guess everyone has to eat and sleep at some point. I don't know if this is anymore addictive than being on the phone all day, or watching Talk Shows or the Soaps. It just seems to be more entertaining and interactive. I can see however , how it could break up marriages since it is so easy to assume any identity you wish. It's a kind of a fantasy world."
Carol....."It's the ladies I'm talking to. Yeah, you. Have you noticed that somehow The Rules don't seem to apply on the Internet? We find ourselves emboldened to do things we'd never do, with people to whom we'd never give a second look in "Real Life." We're becoming crazy lovebots, falling hard for words on a screen, some of us over and over again. We do the keyboard tango with married men, precocious fourteen-year-old boys, inmates, guys who would never in a million years run to the convenience store at two in the morning to buy us some tampons.
Sisters, words are cheap, especially with the new free Internet Access sites! Cyrano de
Bergerac, who wooed the fair Roxanne from the shadows with nothing but his honeyed
phrases, seems to show up regularly in this Brave New World of online love."
Cleo....."Never get involved in a 'net relationship if you are ever planning to meet the guy in the flesh. Because the fantasy stops dead at first sight (though the built-up lust can sometimes be sustained for a few days). In the end, though, the real person can never match the mental image someone created of his/her perfect mate met only in text with a .gif thrown in."
Aaron....."I really appreciate the honesty,and objective manner in which the contents of this web-page portray themselves to the "reality" in which we all live. I only wish I was more computer savy in order to reflect my thoughts on this subject to your web-page; either way, I'm still grateful for the information your web-page provided. Good luck with the future of this web-page."
I've just been at your site, and it's very informative and interesting. I'm 17 and from australia, and a very good friend of Renee and I was telling her about this guy who lives in the same state as us. He's 18, on our first chat (when we first met online) he wanted to take me out to dinner to a pretty fancy restaurant...ever since then he's been asking me out to the movies etc. I've told him first coffee before anything else...I haven't even seen a photo yet so I don't know what to expect, I've told my mum about him because I went to meet him in town (very public place plus with mum nearby) but he wasn't there. When I spoke to him later he gave me an excuse (living room got flooded) and asked what i was wearing. When he asked that I thought he must have been there watching, and that really freaked me out. He's very persistent and wants to meet as soon as possible but I just don't feel right, nor does my mum or renee, we all think he's a bit too forward and creepy. When I told him my mum would be coming with me when we met, he didn't seem to have a problem but he still kinda freaks me out. Do you have any advice for me?
Thank you so much for listening to me babble on, but it has been worrying me
ever since he first wanted to meet which was way too soon I thought."
Eclipse....."I'm very strongly opiniated about cyber affairs..You know,people are people,and just because you don't meet this person you are having an affair with face to face,does not mean that some emotional feelings will not occur...Actually emotional feelings are more likely to occur because the only way you interact with your lover is through that fantasy filter through which you see your lover."
Charlotte..... "Up until about a month before I discovered my husband's cyber-affair, I thought that we had a wonderful marriage. I knew that he was depressed about his job situation and thought with the new job he started, that he would be better when he settled in. WRONG!!! He has told me that he felt that I never loved him or needed him or wanted him (for 24 years????). Also that the kids were old enough that they really didn't need him (they are 22, 20 and 18 still at home and in college). He has not even met her yet(7 months since they decided they were "in love") and has not left me yet but has wanted to.
Our friends are all shocked about this. We used to be quite the romantic couple, always holding hands and such. If we had had a really poor relationship before this started, I would understand it but this is such a drastic change from what we used to have, it is almost funny.
This has hurt me and my children very much but we are working on trying
to help my hubby see that what he has is real and his fantasy life that he
plans with her would be a big mistake. I will not easily throw away 24
years of marriage if this is a temporary mid-life crisis thing that will be over
with a little help from counseling or what ever. I am in this for the long haul
because I want what is best for my family."
Trillian....."I have yet to find a responsible person that finds online love. Is that the destiny?? That you shall find love on the net, but you will become irresponsible and forget that real people exist in life!!! Get real and these people should get lives!! And NOT live on their computers! "
Carla....." I thought I really got to know him. He seemed so sincere and honest. He said he was falling in love with me, and I felt I was doing the same. We were soon making plans for the future. We exchanged pictures. In October, he arrived here in the states, (I paid for his flight), and we were going to start our life together. He looked alot different then his pictures but I didn't mind because I had fallen in love with the person, not the package. We had almost 6 weeks together. It was wonderful. We spent it traveling across the United States. Meeting my family and enjoying being together. Two days after we returned home from our cross country drive, he recieved a call from home that his mother passed away. He left the next day for England, but not before he put "his" ring from "his" finger on my hand saying "with this ring I thee wed....I'll be home soon my love" and he kissed me goodbye at the plane...(I paid for this ticket also). When I didn't hear from him for several days, I called his brother's home in London, and I was told that he was staying at his girlfriend's house. He had already told me he had 2 children with this girl but he NEVER told me he had 2 ex wives and 4 other children. When I called him at this house, a girl saying she was his girlfriend answered the phone. I will not go into the entire story... But he is a con man. He scammed me out of thousands of dollars, and fooled my entire family... after finding all this out, that he came over here to get what he could from America... I found out I was not the only woman scammed by this guy. He is making his rounds of the Internet ... Ladies ... Be Careful ... He is a snake... I am sure his name is different now, but he can not change... he will continue to do this to innocent vunerable women."
Lil Angel....."I think people are either depressed or lonely when they spend too much time on the internet chatting and emailing. I also think that their priorities are out of whack. Especially when they ignore or abandon their families and friends for their online friends or lovers. I mean, they're there in body only, yet they bare their souls to complete strangers at the the drop of a hat. Do you have any idea how hard it is to help out a friend or a spouse who completely shuts you out?
Congratulations for all you lucky souls out there that have found their spouse/significant
others via the internet or email. But there is a flip side. I know of marriages which have split up
by the internet or email. This
should be common knowledge, and shouldn't even need to be repeated. But unfortunately,
it does! I am amazed by the ignorance that abounds in such dealings."
Mary....."The most interesting dating relationship I've had was when I first signed on AOL. I was in cyberlove! He lived in California, and I in Alabama. As it turned out, after three months of poetry writing, and $350 telephone bills, he was married and looking for attention. And he was a preacher! The only thing this taught me was that men lie on- and off-line."
Marilyn....."In my view I see internet relationships for people that can't find anyone in real life, and they'll lie and make things up to have a pretty little love through a screen. Sure the word "love" is nice, but it's over-rated. "I love you" through a computer could mean as much as "oh, I'm constipated" or something other. It's crazy."
Xander....."I think online relationships are by nature deceptive. I mean, you start out with a fake name! I had one guy telling me he lived in my area, and well, he'd never done this before, but would I like to get together and have a cup of coffee? I went to the site listed at the bottom of his e-mail. It advertised his book "How to Pick Up Women Online"."
Patty....."The Net allows users to hide behind asinine nicknames and, in most cases, anonymity. Let people wear masks and they become bigger assholes than even the Ku Klux Klan. For that reason, every third person you encounter turns out to be a potential ward of the state. Most of the people I've encountered online seem to think 1) we give a shit about their opinions, and 2) we care that they're alive. The only thing the Net has done well has been to organize and occupy the nation's idiots so the rest of us can get some things done."
POSITIVE LETTERS.....Hello Mariann...
"It is I Yellowrose...this is what all happened when I met my Online love...First of all he and I talked everyday for almost 2 months on the phone as well as online. My best friend even talked to him!!! When we decided to meet in person, I gave my best friend his Phone number, and address and a phrase I would use if I was in trouble. I then Promised to call her every day--which I did.
When I arrived he was there waiting for me and we hugged. And then we drove for 3 hours to get to his town. When we got there... He rented a motel room for the duration of my stay there. We did alot of talking and I met his family. Bottom line is he treated me the way He does online--which is like a queen.
He will be coming here to visit me in less than a month and neither of us can wait. Our love for each other intensified so much. We are talking about either me moving to where he lives or him moving to where I live.
All I can say is if you intend to meet an online love Be careful and let your RT friends and family know where you will be and a phone number to reach you at and a phrase as simple as "How is the weather at home" to mean you are in trouble. I did not need to use the phrase...
I hope this helps people...
Melissa wrote a lengthy letter explaining how she found a successful relationship on the web. She met her mate in a chatroom. They discovered they had many similar interests. It wasn't long before they were exchanging phone calls and pictures. When the time came to meet face to face, she made sure to keep safety in mind.
"Just to be safe we arranged to meet in a coffee shop with a large group of my friends arround. He was going to stay with the family of a friend of his."
Her father even made sure to get involved in this first meeting. Melissa goes on to explain that after several more visits, her love moved out to her area, and they are spending almost all of their spare time together.
"No matter what happens to us, if we stay together and
get married or we go our seprate ways, none of us will
ever forget the deep love we feel for each other."
ON A PERSONAL NOTE...I'd like to include portions of a letter sent to me from a very dear friend. Her life has been turned upside down from an online relationship she had been pursuing. My friend is married with a young daughter at home, and is an internet "newbie". It didn't take her long to get addicted to the 'net, and involved in a cyber-relationship.
(Names have been changed) "Rob has moved out! Yes, lock stock and barrel! Took our daughter and now refuses to let me see her and cops cannot do a thing about it at all! We are getting a divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rob told others he was having movers come and take my things out of here. Have been weeding through my stuff. It is a sad situation, and basically I am alone. I am broke and lots of bills staring me in the face here! I am just about 1/2 inch from freaking out!"
Other parts of the letter went on to say that she can't possibly understand why her husband is doing this to her, that she feels that he is "brainwashing" their daughter, and that she feels that she is the one being victimized here. All of this coming from the woman who spends 60 hours or more online, has neglected her daughter to the point where Child Protective Services got involved, and flew across the country one weekend to actually be with her cyber-lover!
Like I said, this woman has been a very dear friend to me. But my patience has worn absolutely thin over this whole situation.
She's addicted to online chat, has had an affair, and has neglected her daughter. All in the name of "love".
Thank you ladies for contributing. I'd also be very interested in hearing from the guys out there. Keep those letters coming!