Cat....."I have a friend. She met this "guy" online and fell in love. They talked for months, and right before they were to meet....she found out her "guy" was female."
Georgia....."I think women, as opposed to men, are much more vulnerable to the written word while men are more into visual things (like Playboy Magazine, Hustler etc.). So women can much more easily fall for a man who is just a slick writer. Women need to be very very careful before they loose their hearts over the written words on a screen."
Laurie....."I've realize what a dangerous game this is! Take someone who still loves their spouse, but for some reason, is experiencing a slight "bump" in their relationship. Lo & behold, they meet someone online who listens & relates to all their problems & the next thing you know, they're thinking about breaking up their marriage. And they've never even met this online person! That's the scary part. It's just all too easy to meet someone, confide in them, and think they are the answer to all your problems. Oh, definitely not."
Fletch....."The following is a sad story, but a true one. As I lay in bed one night the phone rang. Half asleep, I answered it. It was my brother, a 40 yr old male. This is a man with two boys, (teenagers), and a wife he had adored for 18 yrs. Little did he know the computer he bought his wife 2 yrs ago, or anything else for that matter, could bring him to this point. He was hysterical. His wife had just informed him she had a new "online" husband, who had been controling his and his wifes sex life for the last month, from what she should wear to what sexual acts she should perform on him, or vice versa. She also informed my brother she wanted a divorce because she was going to "be" with this man she had never met. Surprise, confusion, and devastation are mild words to describe what my brother and his sons are going through. This has sent shock waves throughout our entire family. "Betty" was a part of our family. I think we are all feeling this pain. In my mind, they would've been the last two people on earth to ever be divorced. I guess I'm posting this because I now know this could happen to anyone. It's sad, it's true, and it is a horrible thing that could happen to anyone."
Brenda....."Joe and I became net friends and emailed and chatted almost every day for about a two month period. He seemed to be a nice enough guy, and I'll admit, I was very interested in him. After a time I had began to wonder why Joe hadn't asked for my phone number because he too, said he was interested in me and we had discussed a possible meeting at a later date. One night while on the chat line, I told Joe that I wanted to hear his voice and I offered my phone number. He quickly came back with the response, "I can't make long distance calls." "No problem," I said, "I'll call you." His reply, "I don't have a phone." (Give me a break Joe... you're dialing in to access your ISP) To make a long story short, we finally did talk on the phone briefly... Joe was married. "
Jenny....."In the five years I've been chatting online, it's been my experience that chatroom "regulars" usually develop personas that don't always reflect who they really are. They may fall for each other's fictional personas. Then when they meet face-to-face, they're almost always disappointed."
Julie....."Yes I'll adimit it, I'm addicted to the net. And I'm not just assuming it, I know. I've wasted the past year of my life on the net. Around the middle of September '98 is when I first got online. Ever since my life has changed drastically. First of all even before the net I used to get depressed alot, and with the net it gave me a real excuse to stay in my room. Not even a month after I got online my friends stopped coming over, but I was only on like 4 hours a night then. Then in December I got a boyfriend and he tried to get me help for my depression but I ended up dumping him... for what I don't really know... but I regret it now. Around Christmas vacation is when I actually realized I was hooked. I only slept from 7am to 12pm then the rest of the time I was online. About 19 hours a day for about 13 days. I hardly ate and slept. Before the net I would sleep 14-16 hours a day cuz there was no real reason I could think of for me to get up. But now I was online all the time. Because when I was depressed with life I'd go to chat and my friends would talk to me there about my problems. I even found myself scared to leave my room for a few months because I was scared of people's opinions of me. The only time I left my room was for school, and in school I slept through my classes cuz I was on the net all night. There is no real happy ending to my story cuz it isn't really over yet."
Beth....."I first started going into chatrooms about two years ago. I pretented I was all sorts of people. I was a little older, I was blonde and skinny, I was smart, I was rich and successful. Anything I wanted to be, I could pretend that I really was. It was a real rush.
Everyone loved the "new me". I had tons of people on my ICQ list, and these people called me friend. One guy in particular was real nice to me. He even asked me if I would be his cyber-girlfriend. After awhile, I started feeling guilty. I mean this guy really started liking me alot. He sent me a really long email telling me that I was all he thought about anymore, and he wanted to save up and fly out and meet me RT. I thought I should tell him the truth, and hope he would understand. So I sent him an email back explaining everything.
The next day I went into the chatroom and everybody ignored me. Finally, one of the girls I talked with alot sent me a PM telling me that everyone hated me now because I was such a liar. The guy who liked me told everyone what happened.
Be honest up front or your internet romance or friendships are in trouble straight off. Don't lie
now, only to be found out and looking like a fool. Everyone gets ripped off when you're not honest.
You may be surprised that everybody likes you just how you are."
Minx....."Sometimes cyberflings can be more damaging to a marriage than an affair of the flesh. It’s easier to think about your hubbie fuckin some tramp from a bar, than having deep personal loving feelings towards another person. At least for me it is!"
By far the most bizarre letter I've received.
Angel....."Mariann,
Love the site! I intend to pass it on to some friends to show them how brave I am to post you a letter! I'll try to keep this short.
A few months ago, I met a man online in a local area single parents chatroom (Boston area, I live in the suburbs). I had just gone through a divorce, and lost my mother to cancer. I had moved back into the house I grew up in, and relocated my kids to the new school. I was stressed to the max from losing my mom (my dad a few years back), having a divorce, and listening to my kids constantly complain about how much they hated their new school. At least I had made friends with the woman who lived next door to me. She had known my mom, and even gave me gardening tips to help keep my mom's garden alive.
Every night chatting with other single parents coping with these kinds of stresses helped a bunch. Especially this new guy. He said he had gone through a divorce recently, too. And that he was raising his two kids by himself. Very refreshing in this day and age of dead-beat dads.
Anyways, before long me and this guy were talking every night in the chatroom and exchanging emails. It was getting pretty hot and heavy by now. I was falling pretty heavy for him. He filled a lonely void in my life, and gave me something to look forward to. On hindsight, I wonder why I never asked him for a picture of himself, or sent one of me. I guess I just didn't want to have my fantasy spoiled by what he may have looked like.
To make a long story short, we agreed to meet in the city for dinner. I drove down and got a hotel room near the restaurant we agreed on, and went to the restaurant. I was wearing the red dress that I told him I'd have on so that he'd know it was me. I was so excited. We had shared so much through our chats and email. I was hoping beyond hope that I had found my soulmate.
He showed up on time, and that's when my whole world came crashing down. It was my next door neighbor's husband! He begged me not to tell her. He claimed he had never done anything like this before.
But I did confront her. And now we're not friends anymore. She won't even let my kids come over to play with hers anymore."
Heather....."I got a letter in my email the other day. It said: I am his wife of 10 years. Don't kid yourself into thinking that he is going to be there for you. If he would do this to a wife and three children, what makes you think you're so special? And there are other fools like you he's involved with.
It was from his wife! I called him, and he confessed. She had figured out his email password and sent emails to all the women he is "in love with" online."
Cindy....."A friend of mine developed somewhat of a relationship (semi-long distance) with a man on the net and he did give her his phone number. He told her that he went to bed promptly at 9pm every weeknight and didn't like to be disturbed so he unplugged his phone at that time. He told her he worked a second job on the weekends, sitting with an elderly gentleman from Friday night at 9pm until Sunday night at 9pm. I prompted my friend to call one night during the week at 11pm. just to see what would happen. Guess who answered?? Yes, his wife. He confessed after being confronted... his wife worked the 2pm-10pm shift and was home on weekends. Needless to say, the online relationship promptly ended."
Joanne....."If I view cyber-sex taking a religious stance, and understand the Bible correctly, it clearly states that adultery begins in the heart, without ever having to physically perform the deed. If a married woman is exchanging words describing sexual actions she's performing on someone else, even if it's all in the imagination, my guess is she's guilty of adultery."
Laurel....."Why do I think my online friend did not live up to my RT expectations? I think this is what happened. When I spoke to him (phone, email, ICQ, whatever) I only spoke to HIM. And he was so intelligent, stimulating and telling me everything I wanted to hear! He really listened to me and he become my "lifeline" when my real life got too intense. But I never saw how he related to other people in his life. Family, friends, coworkers, etc. Also we were from different parts of the country. That in itself was a problem because I can't move my kids out of state per my divorce agreement. And I would never try and move them away from my ex because he's a great dad & my kids would be crushed too. I knew all this of course, but just kind of buried my head in the sand. When this guy came up to visit the 2nd time, he actually, coicidentally was here for a week taking a training class for his job & the training center was nearby to where I lived. So I tried to be with him as much as possible, (a night or even a couple of hours here & there) But to him it wasn't enough. He was kind of pissed that I couldn't somehow spend every night with him. Afterall, he didn't know when he could make it back again, this was a lifetime opportunity, etc. etc. But that was totally impossible. I would never have done that to my kids. Also (ok & I guess this is kind of humorous *L*), I live in NJ & he started picking on NY/NJ drivers, lumping the whole lot of us together as a bunch of rude assholes who drive like a bunch of idiots! And he HATED New Yorkers! I never knew this. Well, so much for him ever moving to my part of the country *lol* Also, one day while at his hotel, I heard him speaking to a coworker on the phone. I couldn't believe how anal and petty he was being! Again, I never saw this side of him. So to sum things up, he went home, we continued our online relationship for awhile, but on my end, reality set in & things started to fizzle. When he started to expect me to be at home at a certain time for his phonecalls, I guess that was just the last straw. I told him I needed "time" to think about things & never really wrote him again. Maybe not the right way to end things, but I just didn't know how else to handle it. For me it was over. So I guess my point is just that you've really got to meet a person to find out what they're truly all about."
LovelightUK....."I want to ask, how many men will refuse a woman on a plate so to speak? In real life, we wouldn't offer ourselves so easily, so why do we not use the same rules online? It is easy to get drawn in by sweet words online while you are at arms length, probably miles apart.
Yes, I see many troubles caused by online relationships (I counsel online).I am sorry about your friend and I agree too,caution in online relating is as important as in real time. Probably more so. Hopefully your site will make people think a little more before plunging headlong into an "online thing"! However I still feel that there must be something "wrong" within the relationship you have if you are tempted to go to the point of meeting an online chatter. Having said that a list of "guidelines" for those vulnerable to sweet talkers online (and that's almost every one of us!) would be a vey good idea! Keep up the good work!"
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